An Open Letter




This is a letter… It’s personal. It’s from a perspective and holds opinions of someone who is in a very emotional place. It’s honest and raw. They wrote this for a reason… If we don’t know this person, we really can’t know for sure what that reason is so we can only guess and assume what it means. Something we too often do and need to stop doing and instead seek understanding. Let’s dig into the Why this letter was written. Let’s Talk about it; Line by line. Have a pen and paper ready. At different points I will ask you questions. It will be key to answer them, if you are really listening and want to understand what this letter MAY be about.

“Dear Black women” – not the many other derogatory terms black women have been called

“We don’t hate you” – With this being the first statement, It sounds as if this letter is from someone familiar with black women and have had discussions with previously. The letter is addressing the misconception and misunderstanding that black women may have that “we” hate them and the letter goes on to explain why it’s not the case. (persuasive essay format)

“If we did, We wouldn’t fuck you, we wouldn’t have kids with you, we wouldn’t even discuss you!”

There is a lot of emotion in this very opinionated statement, yet it has some merit. It comes from somewhere. Try to feel sad, mad, or happy……. What did you think about first to make you feel that way?

Now you can understand that his emotion is coming from a very specific place. Keep this in mind throughout reading the rest of the explanation and the rest of your life.

ASK YOURSELF Would you intentionally have sex or kids with, and discuss, someone you know you HATE?

“We do, However,…..” 99% of whatever comes after a “but” is how someone really feels. It will Contradict what was preceded the “but”. So listen carefully.

“…Hate many of your decisions,..” – Many, is not all.

“We Hate your inability to be a solution to the problems of the black community when you are the sole cause of it’s ills.”

This statement is a bold opinion that comes from a place of frustration and the farthest thing from reality for MOST black people. Yet, it’s somehow become this person’s reality…..

ASK YOURSELF how many men are in Jail because of a woman?

ASK YOURSELF who are having and raising most young black men today?

ASK YOURSELF why men can go to strip clubs and want to have the best this and that?

ASK YOURSELF why do black men, it appears all of sudden, hate and mistreat black women when they get a certain age?

“We hate how you wear fake or seek to make your hair look like someone else,”

This statement brings up a concept in the black community that is so important to us; Realness. We love the real and need more of it. Not to say there is nothing wrong with hair style choice. It just seems like or maybe even feels like a mask or a cover up of something that is already beautiful. J. Cole has a song Called Love Yourz. It perfectly and poetically explains the importance of loving what it is yours. It shows a fearlessness of opinions to wear your hair. It shows confidence and boldness to accept your beauty.

ASK YOURSELF If you someone can accept their own faults and beauties, would that make you trust them MORE to accept yours as well?

“We hate how you have a ghetto attitude instead of being more ladylike.”

Ladylike is a very opinionated topic because everybody has their own definition.
ASK YOURSELF What is your definition of ladylike? Also ask those around you; Parents, friends, family members, pastors, teachers, coaches, males, females, etc.

“BUT…”(another contradiction coming) we love your Black P#$$% –  Any man will tell you, that sex with the right black woman is on a different level than sex with the right white woman…. There are all types of theories about the nature and power of sex from spiritual connections to chakra and energy exchanges.

ASK YOURSELF What are some of the craziest things men have done to get the pussy?

“We simply want you to change mentally and psychologically to be more of the woman we know you can. We don’t hate you as a black woman, we love you and want  to see you become better than what you choose to be at this point and juncture!”

This is a very strong positive emotional opinion after several other emotional outbursts that may have put someone else in a negative emotional state. This is part of the process. This is the part we as people often can’t handle. We are really terrible at separating our emotional state from someone else’s long enough to really listen to them in theirs to hear the real problem and concerns. Some women could take this as disrespectful because he didn’t have all good things to say.


Is that real?

Are black women perfect as they are?

Is this person saying black men are?

Is this asking too much of black women?


ASK YOURSELF Do black men have a standard for each other? What about for black women?

ASK YOURSELF Do black women have a standard for each other? What about for black men?

ASK YOURSELF Do Black men and black women have the same standard for each other? Should They? ASK YOURSELF Should Black men and black women settle their standards where they want to based on individual, group, or sexual orientation standards?, or should they try to match the standard of the other?


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